avgn bible games transcript
Man! And when you want them to, they don't! But it sucks. Well, let's try them all. But trying to avoid those down springs is almost impossible! Or, fuck! Oh, there he goes - Fuck. I'd rather fuck a porcupine and shove a cactus up my ass. Ahayfordpresnell423. Giganga 11. Female Narrator: In the time of Moses, a sacrifice might be an animal like an ox. The old ladies comin' out of boxes? Download Avgn Desert Bus Transcript pdf. Noah's so goddamn strong, he puts the Hulk to shame! With its weird baby-blue cartridge? Three more games. Not as extreme as most instances of Nightmare Fuel, but in the Atari 5200 review, when the Nerd plugs in the system's cord, sparks come flying out, and they weren't faked! For his first Christmas review, the Nerd decides to review a few unlicensed Bible games for the NES and Super Nintendo. Maybe I'll review that ("Raid 2020") in the year 2020. (Baby Moses suddenly shoots up above the game) Whoa! The Nerd: Then you have the Playroom. Basically, exactly what it says on the tin, we see how James goes about making a Nerd review. Lightning flashes. Climb through the cave until you find the real ones. The Nerd: Now you thought that was bad? Wikipedia. Would you want to buy this? Damn! You go down ladders with gray stone walls. Even the graphics kinda remind me of it. Well, you're on a camel; you're basically trying to ride to the end of the level. And animals comin' out of sewer holes? The Nerd: Then you have Tell Me More which is just more history lessons about the Bible. Take that, bitch! (He lands on the bomb.) The Green Monster That Walked Into My House 14. The Nerd: Alright, Jesus and the Temple, last fuckin' game. (normal voice) Seriously, that's the only explanation. Narrator: You've landed on Goliath's square. The Nerd: So then I get back out. It's bad. Like, sometimes when you kill your enemies, a flying devil comes out. Transcript of AVGN Episode Bible Games 2 Title card for episode. Not with this game. Of course he's not gonna come near it! I've had enough with this shit. And why do they turn from white to black? I got trapped in some sort of pipe! Yeah. So don't get the snakes that you first see when you're walking around, go take a wild guess. Right off the bat, what does this game look like? The Nerd: Now let's try Flight to Egypt. All with weird, deformed cartridges made for Nintendo systems, but without any endorsement from Nintendo. Ugh! The Nerd: Now, instead of this stripping chick, you get this annoying bitch who does nothing but nag you. The Nerd: Anyway, let's go get some sheep. Dumb shit. Alright, that's it. I get bounced all over the place. ("Sunday Funday", "Fishfall", "4Him") Oh, boy. The object's to get the animals in the ark. (turning to the camera) Haven't we played this already? Many times, I accidentally pick false when I mean to pick true. But let me give you a quick tour of the other stuff. Episode 399 ... AVGN Script Collection PART 1 (of 3) for charity. I can even pick the lion up and it doesn't care. +20 minutes is mad off. The Nerd: Every once in a while, you get a quiz. The Nerd: Then there's the coloring book, and this is where things become really ass! The Nerd: Alright, 3 games in 1. Then there's that damn switch making it go dark. The monkeys are also pretty damn annoying. Well, just one, and it found a way. So, just to show you another example, let's take a look at Spiritual Warfare on the Nintendo. Bible Games - Angry Video Game Nerd - Episode 17. The Nerd: I just can't get over that. It's supposed to be food, I guess, but why does it put the animals to sleep? The Nerd: Look at this! AVGN was good when James and Mike could wax nostalgic in the scripts about video games they used to play growing up in the 80's. Yet it's also referred to as Super 3D Noah's Ark, because of the way the title art’s misrepresented. He had two pilots in 2004 but officialy started in 2006. What the Hell am I playing? For help, reach us over the phone and via email for the time being. It's The Book of Genesis on Sega Genesis. (the Nerd finally did it) Finally! The Nerd: Instead of trying to rescue your girl... you're not even gonna believe this when I tell you... you're trying to get... to Sunday School. I feel like a stupid asshole going after all these sheep for no reason. That's quite ridiculous. Yes, we can still serve you! And there's lots of things you can't even touch at all, where you die instantly. The Nerd: The most fun I have in this game is watching that weird squirrel. Oh, man, I'm doing good. What are you supposed to be doing anyway? Also, it's generally a pain in the ass, because enemies can drain half your life-bar with one hit. The first time playing this, I didn't even realize what was happening. Montage of scenes of NC running, switching between his route across states being plotted; AVGN angrily stands up and goes to wait at the door The next part is basically a trailer, with a background of fire, and words being displayed Text: On October 10th, The Angry Video Game Nerd vs. The Nerd: Beware of the black spaces. That's nice. What good is a weapon that doesn't go straight? And you know what? Batman Returns Again 6. One minute it's sleeping, then it runs up and over the tree, and oh my God! The second one, was released on GameTrailers on December 23, 2008 and later released on YouTube on December 19, 2009. I'll see you in 2007. Fuck this game. (Noah keeps dropping an ox) You drop them every time you jump, so you got to keep picking them back up again. You got Noah's Ark, Baby Moses, and David and Goliath. Angry Video Game Nerd Wiki is a FANDOM Movies Community. And while you're at it, just try to punch that lion in the nuts. It just looks invisible. What a piece of shit. (a picture of the Riddler appears) I didn't know that. We're livin' on the edge! That's the wrong answer, so that obviously means it's something they made up. Look at this, I'm still trying to hit this guy. Basically, you have to collect a certain amount of items in order for an exit to appear. The Nerd: Then there's this Connect the Dots bullshit. Just spinning around? The Nerd: Oh, fuckin' Hell. I'm not gonna hurt you. Some kind of fireball or something, I don't know. I'm playing an NES game that says "Kill all babies"?! By this time, I believe Nintendo was catching on to the fact that Wisdom Tree was making these Bible games for their system without their permission, so what I think happened was when Super Nintendo came out, they put a new lockout chip inside the system, which only allows games licensed by Nintendo to work. Well, it was only released in Europe, which means it's in the PAL format and it can't be played on any North American NES, unless you have the Toploader. Grabbing them's out of the question, so let's pick up that... thing and try and knock them out. In Zelda, we have an aerial view with bushes and rocks, you start with three hearts for the health, you hold two items, you go in a little cave and talk to someone, when you walk into the next area, the screen moves, there's that square-shaped stairwell, you go down ladders with the gray stone walls, there's your raft, and when you start the game, you get to type in a name. He knocked himself out with his own acorn. At 12 hours ago, Jay wrote: Wow, I didn't even know there was an AVGN fan club here in on BBS! It's just luck whether you hit them or not. Oh, he's making a list, and checking it twice, He's gonna go home and eat chicken and rice. Fuck this fuckin' piece of shit! Now as much as that's the dumbest idea I've ever heard for a game, what I don't understand is why that's so difficult. You can even use an acorn to knock the lion out. It's just a bunch of poopy diarrhea doo-doo ass shit. Season 1, Episode 17 - Bible Games. It's actually kind of a rip-off of Super Mario Bros. 2. The Nerd: Okay, let's try 4Him. It flat out explains what you're supposed to do. It's really one of those games where you need a Turbo controller. Hmmm. The Nerd: Alright, let's play one more game: King of Kings. Atari 2600 - Angry Video Game Nerd - Episode 120 (AVGN MOVIE SPOILER) Billiegerken. You have to keep hitting the switches to keep the room bright. The Nerd: That's it. It seems you have to keep skating past people while tapping the button, and I've never figured out the right time. He's said this himself several times. (Noah picks up an animal) Holy shit! Yeah, are you surprised? This one is a no-brainer. In fact, it doesn't even look like a game at all. There's one on Game Boy called The King James Bible. Time to flick the shit switch, turn up the diarrhea dial, it's Bible games on CD-i! And take this one, for example: Bible Adventures. Why didn't it bounce me? If he and all the animals can turn into fish, they wouldn't even need the fuckin' ark. What's this guy's problem? It's just a bunch of karaoke songs. I really can't believe this game exists. Quizzes make you feel like you're in school! Just keep them the same! ). This is ridiculous! With James Rolfe. The Nerd: But what's even stranger: this game ("Joshua") was a copy of a game ("Exodus"), which is a copy of another game, Crystal Mines. You're goin' in the ark. When you don't want the springs to bounce you around, they do. But I also hate the oxen. (the Nerd picks up the games that he's going to review in this episode) Like, who makes video games based off the Bible?! Your obstacles include lizards, a cactus that comes out of the ground, flying rocks, porcupines shooting needles, moving pitfalls, and blocks that come down and stun you. Cause he makes it clear that he doesn't want to do a Bible Game 4 review. Articles by killing random slogans at marty is attacked by a plot. The Nerd: Okay, another rip-off of Super Mario Bros. 2, where you're jumping on logs to get across the waterfall. It looks more like a Game Genie. First let's do Noah's Ark. Pick up a lion and see what happens. Watch this. So there's where you drop those fuckers off. In 2004, James Rolfe finished college. But, just for one final kick in the balls, it throws all these other logs down to make you think you can salvage it and jump your way back to safety to try again. It's played by God-awful control, a pathetic attack range, and the most annoying level design I've ever seen. It has a game called Riddler's Race. Now, there are a few minor differences, but we'll get to them as we go. “Angry Video Game Nerd: The Movie” is a passion project by independent filmmakers James Rolfe and Kevin Finn, based on the popular web series. Oh, man! I wouldn't want to get hit by one of those acorns. The Nerd: Well, here's a little history lesson. The Nerd: (groans) It's back over there?! Take your favorite fandoms with you and never miss a beat. Please, somebody tell me. If you jump through them, you fall in the water and die. Well, you're going around, carrying sheep. Here comes Sunday Funday. I'm just making this up, but let's move on to Super Nintendo and check out this game that I'm actually not making up. (nagging lady voice) "Get your ass to Sunday School!" (the Nerd just stares in shock) Oh, boy. Oh my Lord. The Nerd: What other first-person shooter game do you get to play as Noah? And if it's a Bible game, why do you blow a snowman's head off? The Nerd: So, basically, you're a harpist on your way to play the harp at Samson's wedding. (inserts the CD into the CD-i) More like livin' on a prayer! Here, we see the squirrel throw an acorn. The Nerd: So, let's play another Bible game. There's someone downstairs who worships me. I know it's weird, but the weirdness actually starts with the cartridge. Well, at least they came up with a few original ideas. Bible Games is a holiday special based on the internet series The Angry Video Game Nerd. The most obscured game of the bunch would have to be Super Noah's Ark 3D. Call it whatever you want. Child Singer: Moses and me, we've got a choice to make. The Nerd: So, you'd probably rather just play the game than answer the questions, which would be a good reason to just avoid the scrolls, but if you get the questions right, you get energy, which you want. Bible Games III. The Nerd: How did this turn into a Bible game?! What the fuck?! James Rolfe's Animation Creations Yeah, Bible Buffet. The film is being produced outside the studio system, entirely funded by fan donations. This is nice! And finally, when I get up here, it's not even worth it because there's nowhere to go. Is that how Noah did it? It's the same exact game. Yeah, look at the face! 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